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| IN SIGHT Even Dirt Can Be Beautiful |
Dust is beautiful. Cobwebs are beautiful. Crabgrass is beautiful. Many things most of us would consider
ugly or unpleasant can be so wonderful to a man who has not seen them in a long time.
Last Saturday I finally received the glasses I have been needing for several years. When the very
expensive trifocals (thank you Jamie and Ally) were placed on my face, my head began to swim. First there
was the usual disorientation that comes with a new pair of eyeglasses. I noticed that when I turned my head
everything seemed to spin for a moment. As I looked at Ally and Alex I asked them, “How do they look?” I do
not remember their answer, for as I looked at the kids I saw their faces more clearly than I have in what has
seemed an eternity. Then everything went blurry again as the tears started to flow.
On the drive home, the kids were chattering away doing the usual, “Don't touch me-I'm not touching you,”
thing that siblings often do. I was oblivious. I was too busy watching the road and looking at all of the things I
had been unable to see in a long time. I could make out the leaves on the trees as we passed them by. I
could see the individual blades of grass as the truck loped by them at a slow 35 mph. I was in no hurry to get
home, I was enjoying this drive.
As the trucked loped down our road and into our driveway, I saw our home for what felt like the first time. I
could make out the shiny bits of quartz in the concrete of our porch. The needles of the pine trees looked like
small blades of bluegrass growing on the branches. Ally's flower bed, filled with zinnias, morning glories,
poppies and sunflowers, was a wash of color. My new lenses are glare-resistant, polarized and change tinting
according to the light. I now saw the brilliant, vibrant colors of the world with what seemed to be new eyes.
We walked through the door and I noticed that D.J. needs to be groomed again, and one of the cats had
left a catnip toy by the door. So many things that I had tripped over before I was now able to step over
gingerly.
I went and stood in each of the bedrooms, bathrooms, the kitchen and living room. I wiped the dust off of
the bookshelf and grinned when I could easily make out the slightly darker patterns where my fingers had
been. In the corner of the kids' bathroom there was a small cobweb I had not seen before. I wondered then
as I often did just how random the patterns in a cobweb truly are.
I told the kids, “This house is dirty.” I paused for a moment. I am sure they were wondering if their daddy
was about to go on one of his cleaning binges. But instead they only looked confused as I added, “and it's
beautiful.” I let my butt fall into the couch, put my face in my hands and wept.
I have tried to put into words the feelings I had that day, and still do to a point. In the New Testament there
is the story of the blind man who was given sight. The story goes of how humbled the man was. While I had
sight, my old prescription sunglasses were made before Ally was born. My indoor/nighttime lenses were at
least 10 years old, if not more. I assure you the difference in my vision made me feel just as overwhelmed and
humble as the man with the restored sight. Three months ago I was in the depths of depression. Waking to
an ugly world seemed like such a tedious chore. The last few mornings I have been up in time to catch the
sunrise. God paints such a glorious mural anew for us every day. Sometimes the clouds look like freshly
churned sea foam. Sometimes they look like scattered cotton balls. And yes, sometimes they really do look
like rabbits.
No matter how “ugly” the world might be, I assure you there is so much beauty in it. Even the weeds that
grow in the cemetery across the way contribute to make the grounds slightly more restful, serene. I will not
take dirt, dust and weeds for granted any more.
Since I returned to league bowling I have been struggling to get back to a 200 average. My first three
frames were a struggle last Sunday, as I must keep my nose pointed at what I am focusing on, else things
become blurry. After the first three bad frames, I got used to keeping my head down and still and finished the
day with a 692 set, averaging 230 for the day. I can actually see the individual lane boards again. It is much
easier to hit a target one can see.
My years of darkness taught me that the world can be an ugly place, full of people with ulterior motives and
black hearts. Now the world might be ugly, but even the ugliest place, like a briar patch, can be filled with
beauty and wonder. As I go about my days now, I keep one eye on the dirty ways of the world and the other
gazing at the clouds.
Thank you to Jamie and my daughter Ally for taking the veil from these tired old eyes. I feel reborn.
Be well,
Sponge
08/07/2008
ugly or unpleasant can be so wonderful to a man who has not seen them in a long time.
Last Saturday I finally received the glasses I have been needing for several years. When the very
expensive trifocals (thank you Jamie and Ally) were placed on my face, my head began to swim. First there
was the usual disorientation that comes with a new pair of eyeglasses. I noticed that when I turned my head
everything seemed to spin for a moment. As I looked at Ally and Alex I asked them, “How do they look?” I do
not remember their answer, for as I looked at the kids I saw their faces more clearly than I have in what has
seemed an eternity. Then everything went blurry again as the tears started to flow.
On the drive home, the kids were chattering away doing the usual, “Don't touch me-I'm not touching you,”
thing that siblings often do. I was oblivious. I was too busy watching the road and looking at all of the things I
had been unable to see in a long time. I could make out the leaves on the trees as we passed them by. I
could see the individual blades of grass as the truck loped by them at a slow 35 mph. I was in no hurry to get
home, I was enjoying this drive.
As the trucked loped down our road and into our driveway, I saw our home for what felt like the first time. I
could make out the shiny bits of quartz in the concrete of our porch. The needles of the pine trees looked like
small blades of bluegrass growing on the branches. Ally's flower bed, filled with zinnias, morning glories,
poppies and sunflowers, was a wash of color. My new lenses are glare-resistant, polarized and change tinting
according to the light. I now saw the brilliant, vibrant colors of the world with what seemed to be new eyes.
We walked through the door and I noticed that D.J. needs to be groomed again, and one of the cats had
left a catnip toy by the door. So many things that I had tripped over before I was now able to step over
gingerly.
I went and stood in each of the bedrooms, bathrooms, the kitchen and living room. I wiped the dust off of
the bookshelf and grinned when I could easily make out the slightly darker patterns where my fingers had
been. In the corner of the kids' bathroom there was a small cobweb I had not seen before. I wondered then
as I often did just how random the patterns in a cobweb truly are.
I told the kids, “This house is dirty.” I paused for a moment. I am sure they were wondering if their daddy
was about to go on one of his cleaning binges. But instead they only looked confused as I added, “and it's
beautiful.” I let my butt fall into the couch, put my face in my hands and wept.
I have tried to put into words the feelings I had that day, and still do to a point. In the New Testament there
is the story of the blind man who was given sight. The story goes of how humbled the man was. While I had
sight, my old prescription sunglasses were made before Ally was born. My indoor/nighttime lenses were at
least 10 years old, if not more. I assure you the difference in my vision made me feel just as overwhelmed and
humble as the man with the restored sight. Three months ago I was in the depths of depression. Waking to
an ugly world seemed like such a tedious chore. The last few mornings I have been up in time to catch the
sunrise. God paints such a glorious mural anew for us every day. Sometimes the clouds look like freshly
churned sea foam. Sometimes they look like scattered cotton balls. And yes, sometimes they really do look
like rabbits.
No matter how “ugly” the world might be, I assure you there is so much beauty in it. Even the weeds that
grow in the cemetery across the way contribute to make the grounds slightly more restful, serene. I will not
take dirt, dust and weeds for granted any more.
Since I returned to league bowling I have been struggling to get back to a 200 average. My first three
frames were a struggle last Sunday, as I must keep my nose pointed at what I am focusing on, else things
become blurry. After the first three bad frames, I got used to keeping my head down and still and finished the
day with a 692 set, averaging 230 for the day. I can actually see the individual lane boards again. It is much
easier to hit a target one can see.
My years of darkness taught me that the world can be an ugly place, full of people with ulterior motives and
black hearts. Now the world might be ugly, but even the ugliest place, like a briar patch, can be filled with
beauty and wonder. As I go about my days now, I keep one eye on the dirty ways of the world and the other
gazing at the clouds.
Thank you to Jamie and my daughter Ally for taking the veil from these tired old eyes. I feel reborn.
Be well,
Sponge
08/07/2008