05.17.07
Build up and tear down
Last night was really awful from my perspective. I watched Jamie get hurt, weepy, angry, then ill.
I constantly remind Jamie how special she is to me. How I take her as she is, no reservations, no improvements needed. Just as she loves me as I am, I adore her, ALL of her, even things she hates (like her smile).
Even though she has gained weight from the steroids, I point out the positives to her, like the new “F-cups” that come with it, lol. Since she and I met, I have tried to get her to focus on the positives, not just in life, but on herself. I also have tried to show her just how beautiful she is, and nice to look at too.
But tonight with a 15 minute phone call one person took her esteem back down a peg. No matter what she does, he has to remind her of things she has yet to do, and her flaws (as he sees them). Whether it is about her job, her weight, her finances, or other things, they have to be thrown in her face. When she does something truly great, there is no praise, only “What about…”
Since I know someone will show you this blog, John, I am going to address the rest to you.
I hope that makes you feel really good making her cry. I hope you enjoy knowing the stress and the pain and sickness you have caused her tonight. I had her pretty sedated, but it took holding her until 4 this morning to get her to sleep. Tomorrow she will be crying again from the aftermath of tonight, mainly the pain.
You know, just once, she would love to hear you say how proud you are….with no “but” at the end. You always talk about how the Coltraine’s make you feel.
She loves you dearly, you are her father, but she hates how you make her feel.
I don’t hate you John. I know that perhaps you mean well…you only want her to be the best she can be…but please do not tear her down anymore as her ex did. You may have loved her first, but i am the first to love her AS SHE IS.
If she wishes to better herself, it will be for herself. But to me, she just cannot get any better.
Be well,
Sponge
LadyHawk said,
May 20, 2007 at 10:12 am
No baby…because of you there will be no tearing down anymore. I am able to accept the fact that he will never accept me fully for who I am. That is why I wrote that letter… because now I can move on with my happy home. To a family that loves me just for breathing… thank you… all of you.
I love you…
The Robster said,
May 28, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Hey sponge& jamie.It’s me it’s me the robster. You two are a match made by a higher source. I mean hell you who I’m talking aboutthe most high over us all. GOD. Just keep up all the wonder ful work you are doing.GOD will bless you with what ever you need. Oh by the in case you can’t remember who I am think bowling at bullitt bowl. and remember the name Robby. love you two.